I've been reading a book about personal change and anger, and one paragraph early on in the book stood out to me:
[If we want to change ourselves, we should do it] very slowly, no matter how crazy or self-defeating our current behavior appears to be.
It exists for a reason and may serve a positive and protective function for ourselves and others. If we want to change, it is important to do so slowly so that we have the opportunity to observe and test out the impact of one small, but significant change on a relationship system. If we get ambitious, and try to change too much, too fast, we may not change at all.
Instead, we may stir up so much anxiety and emotional intensity within ourselves and others as to eventually reinstate old patterns and behaviors, or we may end up hastily cutting off from an important relationship, which is not necessarily a good solution.
- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
In this episode, I talk about the benefits of slow change, and why radical transformations are often more sizzle than steak.
Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/change-slowly/
Connect with me:
Now that I'm back in Germany, I'm spending a lot of time with my two sons, and there was a beautiful experience of trust and courage we've shared together that I want to capture here. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/fatherhood-nonjudgmental-encouragement/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ ...
I’ve been spending my mornings lately reading “The Essential Rumi”. I find his writing to be so beautiful, touching, creative and poetic and I’ve really enjoyed starting my days with reading his words. One of the poems in this collection that has had a profound impact on me is “After the Meditation”. I’ve been stuck on it for the last week, re-reading it every morning and finding new meaning within it. In this episode, I discuss and dissect the poem and the concept of finding your “heart-donkey”. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep138 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ ...
I'm excited to release our first ever interview on the Inner Work podcast. I spoke with Kevin von Duuglas-Ittu. If you're really into Muay Thai—maybe you're familiar with the amazing work he and his wife Sylvie are doing together. But even if not, I'd encourage you to check out this episode! Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/love-a-fighter/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ ...
